It's been a little bit since I last wrote on here. The delay was me being really busy and me writing in my journal. I had a session today, first time in 2 weeks. It seemed like it was a really good one and I had some breakthroughs(?) with some stuck points. What we went over were four stuck points that the doc assigned to me when I texted her all out of whack and thinking I was a piece of shit of just doing something bad to Shane. Those were hard stuckpoints to work: "I AM Horrible," "I AM an ASSHOLE," "I Piss EVERYONE off ALL the time, and "I AM a burden on everyon" It's not fair to say that this whole crappy feeling and these stuck points came just from Shane apparently deciding he wanted nothing to do with me or my family.
On that regard, I think that a couple of possibilities exist:
- I DID say something to just piss the guy off,
- He's just an asshole and is ignoring people
- He read something on here that really pissed him off in regards to my earlier comments (since removed) about a certain person causing him shit.
- He was really mad about my comment about the Doc, even if it was innocuous.
Anyway, I guess I am kind of fair-to-midland today. Some parts of today's session where rough but it just mainly the Doc helping me but blatently kind of putting some things in my face. Got a rather shitty headache, AGAIN, after the session, and then got sick from the Arby's.
The real bummer about the therapy though is that I don't have another session for a MONTH!!! Guess the Doc's going to be out of town, and I have my own trips as well. I am actually not that worried about it becuase I know if I absolutely have to get ahold of her that I can. I do wish that when the schedule picked back up that I could maybe get two appointments that week. Or maybe set time asside to talk about the peripheral issues I have with all of the shit in my brain. I know the focus of the sessions has to be on the trauma and working through the different parts of that. However, I have really been wondering if that, as part of the "GETTING BETTER" if I am going to be able to maybe approach sex from a more normal standpoint that I do these days. :-(
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