I think, even though I haven't posted much, that I should post about my Doc.
Doc is my doctor, and ROCKS!!! The shame of it is, she is probably one of three people worth anything here at the local VA. However, she is worth a lot! She is like that friend that just WILL NOT take your crap on ANY day...except she's the Doc and not you're friend!
It doesn't matter my mood when I walk in her office, I leave feeling like a ton of bricks has been removed from my back...even if she had me on the verge of crying in her office. This whole Cognitive Processing Therapy has been painful, but without Doc, I am certain that I would NEVER have stuck it out this long. Given some of the stupid shit I have done, even since therapy started, I am lucky to have Doc helping me.
Thing is, I didn't WANT to do therapy or see anyone. Then, I didn't want to see a female doctor. Unfortunately, I got STUCK with both. However, it has worked out well so far. It didn't help at first that she was HOT...but then I just convinced myself that was a lesbian, :-) which helped me quickly get past that fact.
So, I may not be perfect...or even 100% fixed. I am better because of Doc and will owe my life to her, whether she knows it or not! She may consider me a patient, but to me she is a friend. So for anyone doubting the value of the "Shrink,"...get off your ass and go see one...NOW!!!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Veteran's Day
Holy Crap Man! I let my shrink talk me into going to the Veteran's Day Parade here! It was probably good for my kids to be there...but not so good for me to be there!
To start things off, the "Marshall" of the parade was my Brigade Commander from when I was in Iraq! Not really a big deal you say? Maybe...except I seriously associate this guy with the memory of one PX exploding and with the fact that our unit just didn't take care of it's Soldiers...not sure if that was a Battalion thing or a Brigade thing, but the Company blamed him. Either way, him leading the parade was nothing but a trigger for my memories of Iraq.
Then...of all the damn things you could do at a Veteran's Parade...the friggin Fire Trucks had to run their sirens...somewhat reminiscent of the siren sound for incoming.
Unfortunately I let all this crap run my head, my emotions, my being. I spent the rest of the day in and out of hell, made a bunch of smartass comments to my shrink (and I think she is now OFFICIALLY annoyed with me, permanently), and just hated life the whole day!
My doc reminded me on Friday about breathing, mindfulness...and just not going down the F'ing rabbit hole. She was right, but the day before sucked. The therapy has been helping, but I failed to apply ANYTHING I learned and I suffered for it all day!
On another note: after at least a year of fighting it, I agreed to try an anti-depressant. That was a great idea! Actually, I owe that one to the Doc too. She told me she couldn't believe I made it this long without it, and with all of the other things she has been right about, I decided to try it. WOW...what a change!!!
To start things off, the "Marshall" of the parade was my Brigade Commander from when I was in Iraq! Not really a big deal you say? Maybe...except I seriously associate this guy with the memory of one PX exploding and with the fact that our unit just didn't take care of it's Soldiers...not sure if that was a Battalion thing or a Brigade thing, but the Company blamed him. Either way, him leading the parade was nothing but a trigger for my memories of Iraq.
Then...of all the damn things you could do at a Veteran's Parade...the friggin Fire Trucks had to run their sirens...somewhat reminiscent of the siren sound for incoming.
Unfortunately I let all this crap run my head, my emotions, my being. I spent the rest of the day in and out of hell, made a bunch of smartass comments to my shrink (and I think she is now OFFICIALLY annoyed with me, permanently), and just hated life the whole day!
My doc reminded me on Friday about breathing, mindfulness...and just not going down the F'ing rabbit hole. She was right, but the day before sucked. The therapy has been helping, but I failed to apply ANYTHING I learned and I suffered for it all day!
On another note: after at least a year of fighting it, I agreed to try an anti-depressant. That was a great idea! Actually, I owe that one to the Doc too. She told me she couldn't believe I made it this long without it, and with all of the other things she has been right about, I decided to try it. WOW...what a change!!!
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