A few years ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD. PTSD that stems from really shitty combat experiences as well as some really shitty childhood sexual trauma. In addition to that, I have nerve damage, high cholesterol, migraines, and just a too much other shit. So...I take a LOT of medication. Medication for depression, pain, nerve regeneration, and cluster migraines.
Now, after years of taking all this shit...and I should mention that the VA still isn't rating me on the actual thing that got me out of the Army to begin with. Anyway, after a few years of all of this...it feels like things are getting actually worse. The therapy has been rough recently...very rough...and now I have concerns that there is something else wrong with me physically. Not going to get into on here...otherwise I wouldn't get any fucking sleep tonight.
Anyway, I have group tomorrow. I haven't been in a while..about a month or so. I am looking forward to going, but kind of apprehensive. The format has changed and tomorrow is only for those vets from the original group who have also gone through either CPT or PE, or both. So I am not certain how many of the original group is going to be there. Other than that, I have some other concerns as well but don't think I am going to put them on here right now. They kind of revolve around other things that I have put on here...but now some other questions and concerns need to be worked out. :-(
Showing posts with label Prozac. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prozac. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Veteran's Day
Holy Crap Man! I let my shrink talk me into going to the Veteran's Day Parade here! It was probably good for my kids to be there...but not so good for me to be there!
To start things off, the "Marshall" of the parade was my Brigade Commander from when I was in Iraq! Not really a big deal you say? Maybe...except I seriously associate this guy with the memory of one PX exploding and with the fact that our unit just didn't take care of it's Soldiers...not sure if that was a Battalion thing or a Brigade thing, but the Company blamed him. Either way, him leading the parade was nothing but a trigger for my memories of Iraq.
Then...of all the damn things you could do at a Veteran's Parade...the friggin Fire Trucks had to run their sirens...somewhat reminiscent of the siren sound for incoming.
Unfortunately I let all this crap run my head, my emotions, my being. I spent the rest of the day in and out of hell, made a bunch of smartass comments to my shrink (and I think she is now OFFICIALLY annoyed with me, permanently), and just hated life the whole day!
My doc reminded me on Friday about breathing, mindfulness...and just not going down the F'ing rabbit hole. She was right, but the day before sucked. The therapy has been helping, but I failed to apply ANYTHING I learned and I suffered for it all day!
On another note: after at least a year of fighting it, I agreed to try an anti-depressant. That was a great idea! Actually, I owe that one to the Doc too. She told me she couldn't believe I made it this long without it, and with all of the other things she has been right about, I decided to try it. WOW...what a change!!!
To start things off, the "Marshall" of the parade was my Brigade Commander from when I was in Iraq! Not really a big deal you say? Maybe...except I seriously associate this guy with the memory of one PX exploding and with the fact that our unit just didn't take care of it's Soldiers...not sure if that was a Battalion thing or a Brigade thing, but the Company blamed him. Either way, him leading the parade was nothing but a trigger for my memories of Iraq.
Then...of all the damn things you could do at a Veteran's Parade...the friggin Fire Trucks had to run their sirens...somewhat reminiscent of the siren sound for incoming.
Unfortunately I let all this crap run my head, my emotions, my being. I spent the rest of the day in and out of hell, made a bunch of smartass comments to my shrink (and I think she is now OFFICIALLY annoyed with me, permanently), and just hated life the whole day!
My doc reminded me on Friday about breathing, mindfulness...and just not going down the F'ing rabbit hole. She was right, but the day before sucked. The therapy has been helping, but I failed to apply ANYTHING I learned and I suffered for it all day!
On another note: after at least a year of fighting it, I agreed to try an anti-depressant. That was a great idea! Actually, I owe that one to the Doc too. She told me she couldn't believe I made it this long without it, and with all of the other things she has been right about, I decided to try it. WOW...what a change!!!
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