Fucking Family and Secrets!!!!!

How many people have a family with no secrets? Probably none! It's a sad but shameful truth that has apparently existed since Cain slew Abel.
Today I sat with an Uncle of mine and he showed me a LOT of OLD pictures of the family. He gave me a bunch, mostly of my dad, and filled me in on some of the family history. Too say I am annoyed/mad/worried would be putting it lightly!!!! Apparently my dad keeps a LOT more secret about his life (childhood through my mom leaving him, than I realize). Not so much of a big deal, until somewhere in that conversation it came it that my dad had lied about quite a few things to us over the years. This took me down a DANGEROUS path of thinking, one in which it made me wonder if my dad wasn't abused in some way when he was a kid....which in turn took me to "why didn't he know those assholes were raping me???" I don't know that I blame my parents for any of what happened to me as a kid. This whole last week has had me really missing my mother as Thanksgiving was her absolute favorite holiday...yet I can't help be a little disappointed in her as well. It's not fair to say that they "should have known" or that they "should have protected me" when you consider any one group of events by itself. BUT THREE DIFFERENT times I was used as a sex puppet for some prety sick fucks! How could they not have known. Maybe they knew, because of their own trauma (I KNOW my mother was raped) and were just playing Ostrich??? Or maybe they really didn't know????

I do KNOW that I am PISSED OFF and very SAD that they didn't do a better job protecting me from any of these assholes!!!! VERY PISSED OFF....and VERY SAD overall. Really have to NOT think about this shit so much tonight/next few days and have to DEFINITELY avoid thinking about being dead. :-(