Associating my wife with hell????

My wife and I have been having some really stupid but fucked up arguments as of late. The bottom line has been that she believes that "if [I] inists she see a counselor about who she's become then I can just leave." This was only part of the argument. A lot my complaints with her revolve CONSISTENTLY around her constantly shitty temper and the yelling.

I HATE yelling and I do it myself ONLY as a LAST option before using my fists t settle something. Yelling has a VERY strong ability to trigger ALL of my trauma from my childhood as well as some of the incidents from Iraq. So, yelling kind of ALWAYS takes me back to that hell of being raped as a child...EVERY time! Since I have started explicitly working this trauma with the Doc, my reaction has worsened! It's even been so bad as to cause me problems when a specific group member looses his temper. It's like an isntant flashback trigger. Now, my wife has been kind of the same.

So this past Monday we had this continuation of the fight and she was yelling. She later gave me her "apology" in the form of a hug and a dirty joke. Shortly after that, she wanted sex. So I had sex with her.

I am sure that I only go hard was due to being physically horny. I was able to get into us having sex but I had to fight a lot of shit from when I was hurt as a kid. It might be germane to note that we JUST had sex...some oral and grouping and kissing and them me on top. However, she had asked to get some of our "things" and to 69 with her. I would normally be OK that, even like it, but it seemed like everything she did or wanted just triggerd more memories of hell!!!

This wouldn't have been if it was just one night. However, happeded that night and then again Thursday. And that wasn't the worst part. What was the worst was actually 2 things...equally horrible: 1) My nightares have been horrible since Monday night, and 2) EVERYTIME I have been around her this last week and looked at, I either see those fucker's face or I see her face on the necks of those who raped me!!!!!

The Doc was helpful, even if she did have to miss my second appointment for the week this past Friday. However, I am falling asleep typing this so I will have to update or post a part II. The only good news is that I am out of town for a week, so I don't need a solution this very exact second.