I think that a lot of work by doctors, therapists, and pharmacists goes into helping veterans with PTSD. These are the people that we with PTSD tend to immediately, and long term, learn to rely upon. I wonder if it's the same for most veterans: you don't want to admit there's a problem, you don't want anyone to know there is something wrong, you just want to be left the fuck alone. Sometimes I would take this too far...just live in my head and almost in a reverent fashion, worship my own guilt and shame and anger. Then I got help. My wife basically said: "you have anger issues...get help or get out!"
So I went to the VA and asked about anger management courses...the asshole doctor sent me to a psychiatrist in teh OIF/OEF clinic who subsequently diagnosed me with PTSD. From there it was some pushing and pulling. I really, I mean REALLY, wanted the help. I knew that if I didn't do it then, I would NEVER do it. The path I took to get where I am now was a basically reluctant path on my part and I think on my my awesome Doc's part. She thought I was an asshole, I didn't think I could trust her, or be completely open with a woman, especially a good looking one. However, I took a chance on her, her skill level, and her concern and I think it was the greatest choice I could have made there.
But that's at the VA, where I don't live or sleep or eat. I go there for appointments only. I don't even like to use the bathrooms there! It took me over a year of PTSD therapy, at least one drunken night of crying like a fucking baby, and a frustrating conversation (or 30) with my wife. However, in the end I made an even greater decision: I decided to let my wife in on a little bit of what's going on in my head, my trauma (Iraq and the OTHER shit!!!), and my pain. My oldest child even knows a little bit...at least enough to keep her from getting hit by reflexes when she would try to suprise me or sneak up on me.
So my wife knows a little bit of different parts of the pain. She is also usually very supportive...unless she's in that short temper mood (which is a WHOLE different topic), and is understanding a lot more than she used to about why I act the way I do in certain situations/activities. Bottom line, I may have the best Doctor and the best group that anyone could EVER hope for, but I DO have the best wife that a guy like me could hope for and I am glad I got over my fear to let her in.
I still haven't shared everything with her...she doesn't even know about this blog, not even that I have it. I still need to let her read my trauma statement...but I need to look to make sure that certain things aren't in there. However, she's the one I lean on the most. I may annoy the Doc and my friends, but at 1 am, when I am freaking out, it's her I am going to talk to first now.
So I recommend to any veteran suffering from PTSD, in order of importance and reliability:
1) Talk with your SPOUSE/GF/BF/Fuck Buddy
2) Do NOT have more than one person in your life from the list above
3) Trust your Doctor(s). If you can't, don't waste time getting a new one...just make sure you have one!!!
4) Trust the process. Even if it sucks or hurts or feels worse than the actual trauma.
5) Remember the work that YOU do, the progress that YOU make!!! Don't discount yourself at ALL!!!
Showing posts with label Trust the Doc. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trust the Doc. Show all posts
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Getting past the misery: 4 things to try
Today I was reminded that I had, in fact, done a lot of work through CPT and PE over the last 18 months. I kind of feel like the Doc is ready to move into a "maintenance" phase...although I don't know if I am ready for that. Some days I really am just ready to do the once-in-a-while check-in appointments and other days I wish I had 5 appointments a week. Those long and miserable days are the worst.
But I also realized that one of the things I have done over the last 18 months is maybe, just maybe, learned how to better handle those situtations when I am just feeling shitty. Shitty being: depressed, pissed off, violent, scared...just plain misery from one thing or another. I have found that the easiest things are the ones that help the most:
1) Remember who I am, or at least want to be!
2) Remember to breath. If it's bad, breath slow, really slow, using diaphramatic breathing to center myself. I should say that when I do this as a Mindfullness exercise, I almost always have to fight the "self-hypnotizing" that seems to occur as I calm down...re-center!
3) PLUCK...especially if I am in my head about what others are thinking in a tough situation! Simple word, simple philosphy, and came from a simple discussion!!! If you don't know PLUCK, scroll to an older post on here and check it out!
4) Take a walk, move around, do something physical....get the FUCK off your ass and change your environment...even if it's only from your desk to the hallway!!!! I know that if I don't move around....I can get caught really bad in a flashback or memory. Hell, I have even had to pull over my truck and get out of it!
5) Seek some help if you haven't already! I should include the phone number here...think I will go find it really quick.
Crisis Hotline -- Call 911 if life or death, otherwise, this number is a great starting place:
1-800-273-8255
VA PTSD Startpage
http://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/
My favorite qoute tonight:
But I also realized that one of the things I have done over the last 18 months is maybe, just maybe, learned how to better handle those situtations when I am just feeling shitty. Shitty being: depressed, pissed off, violent, scared...just plain misery from one thing or another. I have found that the easiest things are the ones that help the most:
1) Remember who I am, or at least want to be!
2) Remember to breath. If it's bad, breath slow, really slow, using diaphramatic breathing to center myself. I should say that when I do this as a Mindfullness exercise, I almost always have to fight the "self-hypnotizing" that seems to occur as I calm down...re-center!
3) PLUCK...especially if I am in my head about what others are thinking in a tough situation! Simple word, simple philosphy, and came from a simple discussion!!! If you don't know PLUCK, scroll to an older post on here and check it out!
4) Take a walk, move around, do something physical....get the FUCK off your ass and change your environment...even if it's only from your desk to the hallway!!!! I know that if I don't move around....I can get caught really bad in a flashback or memory. Hell, I have even had to pull over my truck and get out of it!
5) Seek some help if you haven't already! I should include the phone number here...think I will go find it really quick.
Crisis Hotline -- Call 911 if life or death, otherwise, this number is a great starting place:
1-800-273-8255
VA PTSD Startpage
http://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/
My favorite qoute tonight:
“They’re one in the same, I must isolate you…Isolate and save you from yourself….” --A Perfect Circle
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Pluck-ing, FOLD-ing, and thinking
I have been in therapy through the VA for 18 months. I would never say it's been fun...but it has been definitely helpful. The therapies I have been working on or gone through are Prolonged Exposure and Cognitive Processing, in addition to the world's best group (I actually refused for almost a year to do ANY group based therapy or discussions...not of fan of crowds or small rooms for some reason. haha).
Anyway, the reason this post is about some of the things I have learned and how I am trying to push forward, be better, AND figure out who the hell I am anymore. Not all of the lesson's I have learned have been based upon some strict protocol. Nor have they all been based upon what the Doc or others say.
PLUCK
Probably the funniest thing to me, and actually one of the best, most helpful things is: "Pluck." Funny word, I know and if anyone actually ever read this, they'd probably be laughing so hard right now...NOT. Seriously though, PLUCK has been on the most helpful things I have learned and it was one of those tools that just "appeared" one day, at least to me. Those with PTSD tend to have a lot of what is called "Stuck Points." Additionally, they tend to have multiple patterns of "Problematic Thinking." These two are related.
One of my biggest stuck points is: I deserve(d) it. One of the biggest patterns of problematic thinking that brought me this stuck point is that of: mindreading. See...I have this uncanny ability to know what anyone is thinking about me. I "know" when someone thinks I am an idiot, or annoying, or being a bitch, or being wimpy, girly, stupid, or just plain fucking retarted. I even "know" this when it's not even true. During one session, I think my Doc was so annoyed with this ability that she thought of a way for me to slow down and stop "deciding" I know what she or anyone is thinking: PLUCK.
Still confused? Pluck means to take that negative, self-hating, mind-reading thought and to "pluck" it out of my brain. It means that when I am trying to talk and I think whoever listening is thinking shitty thoughts about me, that I just need to pluck that out of my head, ignoring it in reality, and just move forward. PLUCK...one hell of a therapeutic word.
FOLD actually stands for:
Feminist
Out of my league
Lesbian
Democrat
...or...someone I would know better than to try to have a crush on or to be attracted to. I mean, who REALLY wants to (other than LL Bean subscribers) be attracted or date or think about a feminist or Democrat...seriously!
In any event, there is a lesson here: if you are a crazy person like me and have the world's hottest Doc (which I guess would mean you live by me)...use FOLD over and over again so that you can focus on what you NEED to focus on. It has worked exceptionally well for me, even though I think for some time that I did have a pretty severe crush (?) for a little while...ok...maybe a medium while. But, I have stuck with "FOLD" and remember I am married, and remember that most, like the Doc, or just too damn good for me (deserve better than me)...hell, my wife deserves better.
I was going to add some other things to this post, but I am actually thinking about trying to get some damn sleep. This week has been long and sleep has been so shitty when I have been able to go to bed...I wonder if trying to sleep is even worth it at all.
I will add this:
Where am I at today/tonight?
I am SOOO tired! Tired of being tired, tired of physical, mental, and emotional pain! Tired of the jackass drivers where I live and the retards that seem to be free to do whatever they want. Tired of the fucking dreams/nightmares. Tired of still feeling like I have a LONG way to go in therapy. Tired of questioning my own beliefs and morals on a daily basis. Tired of wondering if my prozac needs to be increased...or just my Scotch intake (actually, I think it's been six months since I've had any liqour). Tired of thinking about the horrible memories, the dead, the dismembered, the raped, rapists. Tired of NOT knowing who the FUCK I am!!!!!
However, I am happy about a some things too...as happy as I can get anyway. Actually, that's not entirely a true statement. I was, and still am, very excited for Shane (see earlier posts) that he's out of jail. Some financial and career things have gone very well too, so I am kind of happy about that as well...although it is hard to really be happy about anything I do I guess.?????
Anyway, the reason this post is about some of the things I have learned and how I am trying to push forward, be better, AND figure out who the hell I am anymore. Not all of the lesson's I have learned have been based upon some strict protocol. Nor have they all been based upon what the Doc or others say.
PLUCK
Probably the funniest thing to me, and actually one of the best, most helpful things is: "Pluck." Funny word, I know and if anyone actually ever read this, they'd probably be laughing so hard right now...NOT. Seriously though, PLUCK has been on the most helpful things I have learned and it was one of those tools that just "appeared" one day, at least to me. Those with PTSD tend to have a lot of what is called "Stuck Points." Additionally, they tend to have multiple patterns of "Problematic Thinking." These two are related.
One of my biggest stuck points is: I deserve(d) it. One of the biggest patterns of problematic thinking that brought me this stuck point is that of: mindreading. See...I have this uncanny ability to know what anyone is thinking about me. I "know" when someone thinks I am an idiot, or annoying, or being a bitch, or being wimpy, girly, stupid, or just plain fucking retarted. I even "know" this when it's not even true. During one session, I think my Doc was so annoyed with this ability that she thought of a way for me to slow down and stop "deciding" I know what she or anyone is thinking: PLUCK.
Still confused? Pluck means to take that negative, self-hating, mind-reading thought and to "pluck" it out of my brain. It means that when I am trying to talk and I think whoever listening is thinking shitty thoughts about me, that I just need to pluck that out of my head, ignoring it in reality, and just move forward. PLUCK...one hell of a therapeutic word.
FOLD
Now, this is a fun one too. And it's one that I made up! Yah for my dumbass self (PLUCK :-) ).FOLD actually stands for:
Feminist
Out of my league
Lesbian
Democrat
...or...someone I would know better than to try to have a crush on or to be attracted to. I mean, who REALLY wants to (other than LL Bean subscribers) be attracted or date or think about a feminist or Democrat...seriously!
In any event, there is a lesson here: if you are a crazy person like me and have the world's hottest Doc (which I guess would mean you live by me)...use FOLD over and over again so that you can focus on what you NEED to focus on. It has worked exceptionally well for me, even though I think for some time that I did have a pretty severe crush (?) for a little while...ok...maybe a medium while. But, I have stuck with "FOLD" and remember I am married, and remember that most, like the Doc, or just too damn good for me (deserve better than me)...hell, my wife deserves better.
I was going to add some other things to this post, but I am actually thinking about trying to get some damn sleep. This week has been long and sleep has been so shitty when I have been able to go to bed...I wonder if trying to sleep is even worth it at all.
I will add this:
Where am I at today/tonight?
I am SOOO tired! Tired of being tired, tired of physical, mental, and emotional pain! Tired of the jackass drivers where I live and the retards that seem to be free to do whatever they want. Tired of the fucking dreams/nightmares. Tired of still feeling like I have a LONG way to go in therapy. Tired of questioning my own beliefs and morals on a daily basis. Tired of wondering if my prozac needs to be increased...or just my Scotch intake (actually, I think it's been six months since I've had any liqour). Tired of thinking about the horrible memories, the dead, the dismembered, the raped, rapists. Tired of NOT knowing who the FUCK I am!!!!!
However, I am happy about a some things too...as happy as I can get anyway. Actually, that's not entirely a true statement. I was, and still am, very excited for Shane (see earlier posts) that he's out of jail. Some financial and career things have gone very well too, so I am kind of happy about that as well...although it is hard to really be happy about anything I do I guess.?????
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Who Am I???? WTF????
Original post edited for multiple reasons.
I think one of the biggest things that I struggle with right now is: Who the FUCK am I????? I don't seem to know any more. Compounding the issues releated to PTSD is the fact that I apparently have some of the signs of being Bi-Polar and my grandmother had alzhiemers. Seems as though brain problems run in the family!
< Had a really good talk with the Doc about this at my last appointment. Learned a few important things that don't make me feel so worried about possible mental deterioration:
1. I am past the age where I need to worry about schizophrenia
2. My mother being Bi-Polar doesn't mean I will be/I am...it's NOT genetic
<>
But, who am I???Who the hell is this person I have become, am becoming still? I used to have a pretty good cockiness about me and not be afraid of anything or anyone. I was never a "ladies" man, but I never had to go long without getting laid...and had some HILARIOUS stories along the way...like the one about how a pussy[cat] ruined my chances of getting...welll you know...from this really beautiful college girl. But I digress...I was strong, not emotional, and DECISIVE!!! And I NEVER looked back (excpet for the rough divorce I had many moons ago).
Who have I become:
1) I seem to be afaid of my own shadow, most loud noises, QUIT, solititude, and crowds!!!
2) I don't know what I like most of the time, other than the shit I have been eating or doing for years
3) I would (A LOT of the time) rather not have sex with my wife. Not because of her because I do find her sexy and a lot of fun. More because of the errors in my brain.
4) When I do have sex with my wife, it's always great. However, I am either overly aggressive (no...not beating her) or way too emotional (to the point that I want to "crawl" inside her entire being.
5) I second-guess EVERYTHING ANYONE says, especially those who are my friends, family, people I love, or people I just care about. By second-guessing EVERYTHING, I mean EVERY LAST FUCKING THING. For example, a text I received the other day (on a day full of some incredible news) ended with "Bye now." The conversation was fairly innocent, dealing soley with the aforementioned good news of a friend. I had already sent "TTYL"...but "Bye now" has bugged me ever since. I think it has to do more with projections and mind-reading, but I am also 100% certain that I do in fact bug the person that I was texting with.
6) My focus is shot! I have been called a bulldog becuase I will track shit down to the end. And I can still do this, but ONLY with a higher purpose than normal, AND with someone else either right there, or just egging me on. My school homework is a GREAT example. I have a TON of shit due this week. However, instead of using even 70% of the abundant free time I have actually had in the last four days, I have wasted most of that time looking at old grindhouse movies (you know, the horror ones, AND the basically/literally X-rated ones). Chastising myself over and over and over again has not helped. Even tonight, with something due an hour ago...there I was, downloading grindhouse movies...and the assignment is now late.
7) My memory....this scares me the most. I have the hardest time with my short term memory even now. I have to try to make some association immediately to whatever it is I am trying to remember. However, I can recall what chics where wearing when I first met them. Now I can't seem to go a day without having to stop over 50% of my conversations and TRY to remember what the FUCK I was just saying!!! To make matters WAY worse, I have recently remembered things that honestly make no sense that I ever forgot. For instance, I recalled last week that a few years ago, when the PTSD symptons really started hitting me, that I had a solid and painless plan to end my life. It was just dumb-fucking luck that my wife wasn't going to be home as intended....I was too guilty to leave little kids alone with a dead dad in the house. Seriously, how the fuck could I have ever forgotten that!!!! That's like forgetting that you did things you shouldn't have ever done!!! (which I have also done). How many other things have a I forgotten??????????????
Overall, I believe in the therapy process, and I believe in my Doc. Quite frankly, although I am convinced that she erronously thinks (and worries) I view things on a romantic/cruch/sexual level with her sometimes, she really is like the best or second best friend I have....just too bad that we (the wife and I) can't ever have her over due to stupid VA ethics. I digress again though. My faith and trust in both the Doc and the Process is why I have stuck this shit out the last 18 mos. Seems like other veterans, who definitely had worse experiences, seem to be able to move on quicker, which is what really frustrates me. I know that a lot of it is the fact that the new stuff we are working on is the childhood sexual trauma, so it would not be too far fetched that my brain is just reminding me of other trauma's that had/have the SHAME/GUILT/PAIN/ABUSE tags attached, and intermingling these events.
In any event, I am just ranting tonight. Very tired and stressed and in a LOT of pain. I hope to have a session this week, as I think I need it, but we'll see what the future holds for that one. Basically, I just miss the old me.
Another thing I wanted to write about, and I will have to do it later, is: Chasing the Numb Feeling. It's a miracle that alcohol and prescirption drugs haven't killed me yet, nor has speed or my mouth. BUT I do just wish I could be numb. I have been unable to cry so I have not been able to emotionally dump a lot of baggage. But I will go into this one more at a later date!
I think one of the biggest things that I struggle with right now is: Who the FUCK am I????? I don't seem to know any more. Compounding the issues releated to PTSD is the fact that I apparently have some of the signs of being Bi-Polar and my grandmother had alzhiemers. Seems as though brain problems run in the family!
<
1. I am past the age where I need to worry about schizophrenia
2. My mother being Bi-Polar doesn't mean I will be/I am...it's NOT genetic
<
But, who am I???Who the hell is this person I have become, am becoming still? I used to have a pretty good cockiness about me and not be afraid of anything or anyone. I was never a "ladies" man, but I never had to go long without getting laid...and had some HILARIOUS stories along the way...like the one about how a pussy[cat] ruined my chances of getting...welll you know...from this really beautiful college girl. But I digress...I was strong, not emotional, and DECISIVE!!! And I NEVER looked back (excpet for the rough divorce I had many moons ago).
Who have I become:
1) I seem to be afaid of my own shadow, most loud noises, QUIT, solititude, and crowds!!!
2) I don't know what I like most of the time, other than the shit I have been eating or doing for years
3) I would (A LOT of the time) rather not have sex with my wife. Not because of her because I do find her sexy and a lot of fun. More because of the errors in my brain.
4) When I do have sex with my wife, it's always great. However, I am either overly aggressive (no...not beating her) or way too emotional (to the point that I want to "crawl" inside her entire being.
5) I second-guess EVERYTHING ANYONE says, especially those who are my friends, family, people I love, or people I just care about. By second-guessing EVERYTHING, I mean EVERY LAST FUCKING THING. For example, a text I received the other day (on a day full of some incredible news) ended with "Bye now." The conversation was fairly innocent, dealing soley with the aforementioned good news of a friend. I had already sent "TTYL"...but "Bye now" has bugged me ever since. I think it has to do more with projections and mind-reading, but I am also 100% certain that I do in fact bug the person that I was texting with.
6) My focus is shot! I have been called a bulldog becuase I will track shit down to the end. And I can still do this, but ONLY with a higher purpose than normal, AND with someone else either right there, or just egging me on. My school homework is a GREAT example. I have a TON of shit due this week. However, instead of using even 70% of the abundant free time I have actually had in the last four days, I have wasted most of that time looking at old grindhouse movies (you know, the horror ones, AND the basically/literally X-rated ones). Chastising myself over and over and over again has not helped. Even tonight, with something due an hour ago...there I was, downloading grindhouse movies...and the assignment is now late.
7) My memory....this scares me the most. I have the hardest time with my short term memory even now. I have to try to make some association immediately to whatever it is I am trying to remember. However, I can recall what chics where wearing when I first met them. Now I can't seem to go a day without having to stop over 50% of my conversations and TRY to remember what the FUCK I was just saying!!! To make matters WAY worse, I have recently remembered things that honestly make no sense that I ever forgot. For instance, I recalled last week that a few years ago, when the PTSD symptons really started hitting me, that I had a solid and painless plan to end my life. It was just dumb-fucking luck that my wife wasn't going to be home as intended....I was too guilty to leave little kids alone with a dead dad in the house. Seriously, how the fuck could I have ever forgotten that!!!! That's like forgetting that you did things you shouldn't have ever done!!! (which I have also done). How many other things have a I forgotten??????????????
Overall, I believe in the therapy process, and I believe in my Doc. Quite frankly, although I am convinced that she erronously thinks (and worries) I view things on a romantic/cruch/sexual level with her sometimes, she really is like the best or second best friend I have....just too bad that we (the wife and I) can't ever have her over due to stupid VA ethics. I digress again though. My faith and trust in both the Doc and the Process is why I have stuck this shit out the last 18 mos. Seems like other veterans, who definitely had worse experiences, seem to be able to move on quicker, which is what really frustrates me. I know that a lot of it is the fact that the new stuff we are working on is the childhood sexual trauma, so it would not be too far fetched that my brain is just reminding me of other trauma's that had/have the SHAME/GUILT/PAIN/ABUSE tags attached, and intermingling these events.
In any event, I am just ranting tonight. Very tired and stressed and in a LOT of pain. I hope to have a session this week, as I think I need it, but we'll see what the future holds for that one. Basically, I just miss the old me.
Another thing I wanted to write about, and I will have to do it later, is: Chasing the Numb Feeling. It's a miracle that alcohol and prescirption drugs haven't killed me yet, nor has speed or my mouth. BUT I do just wish I could be numb. I have been unable to cry so I have not been able to emotionally dump a lot of baggage. But I will go into this one more at a later date!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Trust your Doc and Trust the Process...or don't even bother starting!
So this will probably be the last email set that I throw up on here for a bit. I think this grouping shows that it is REALLY important to be able to have faith AND trust in both your doctor AND the process. If not, you are only going to get yourself in more pain. This doesn't mean someone should stop seeking help...just to make sure you find the right doc and process first. Otherwise, you may permanently end up like I have been feeling recently:
- Stuck between running forward into a glass wall, or running backwards to a cliff. :-(
From: Me
To: The Doc
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2011 5:02:56 PM
Subject: RE: two questions for this week (apr 21, 2011)
- Stuck between running forward into a glass wall, or running backwards to a cliff. :-(
From: Me
To: The Doc
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2011 5:02:56 PM
Subject: RE: two questions for this week (apr 21, 2011)
Ok…got it…AND we can discuss it in session, or not, I guess.
IF I don't make it clear, I do trust you, otherwise I wouldn't be doing this…would've quite back when the CPT stuff got miserably hard. I get that I need to practice A LOT of different skills. I would like to say: for MOST of my life, I don't recall ever really having any emotions other than anger or adrenaline-rushes…until everything from Iraq and this other stuff started messing me up. So I think that when I'm looking for reassurance from anyone, including you, it really is because I am feeling THAT WORTHLESS (empty???). I think it's even more than reassurance…validation or appreciation or something else? I do only send you something when I REALLY feel like I have to because I honestly and sincerely don't want to be a pain any more than I already am. Trying very hard all day, EVERY day, to NOT focus on future events…something very hard for me…I can only say that I'm honestly just plain scared and ashamed and miserable. Again, it's not a lack of trust or faith in you or the process and I am VERY sorry to have bugged you again…I really do picture you saying something like "oh great, another da*n email from dw."
dw
From: The Doc
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2011 4:19 PM
To: Me
Subject: RE: two questions for this week (apr 21, 2011)
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2011 4:19 PM
To: Me
Subject: RE: two questions for this week (apr 21, 2011)
Hat off. Just try to trust me.
And don't worry/ruminate about what hasn't happened yet. That does nothing but increase your anxiety level. You simply do exactly what you are asked to do one day at a time. When you are finished doing what you are asked to do, you do everything you can to let it go and not worry about it until it's time to do the next thing. RE-READ your PE Patient workbook for refresher on why we're doing it, where we're going, what's the point etc. Write down any questions you have and bring them to session for us to address then. If at any point I ask you to do something you aren't ready for, you simply say that. You will not be forced into anything. So try not to worry and just take it one step at a time.
And please save these kinds of questions for session (we can take first 5-10 minutes to address them). They're really not "emergency" type questions. I really want you to practice tolerating distress/uncertainty without frequent reassurance. This is not to "get you off my back" but because it is a skill you need to practice—to help you learn to "self-soothe" as we say. It truly is hugely important. We can talk about this more in session if necessary.
YOU.ARE.DOING.GREAT. Kepp practicing "LETTING GO" during hours when you are NOT supposed to be working on this trauma.
From: Me
Sent: Monday, April 18, 2011 10:27 PM
To: The Doc
Subject: two questions for this week (apr 21, 2011)
Sent: Monday, April 18, 2011 10:27 PM
To: The Doc
Subject: two questions for this week (apr 21, 2011)
Doc,
Scared of this week…you commented on having to do multiple sessions to get through a hotspot. Does that mean I have to redo what I did this last session, or push forward? Quite frankly, the thought of the latter is nerve racking, to put it rather mildly. Maybe you shouldn't tell me…'cause I'm not sure I want to know…but then again, I really want to know.
Is my wearing a hat open for discussion? I think I did a little better…at least more scared/ashamed than the level of anger I felt Friday, and even somewhat tonight. I'm going to do what you say, but I am hoping there's some wiggle room?? Maybe a visual "check-in" point but the hat can stay? I know you have way bigger things to worry about, but I really do need to know what to expect on this one.
I guess either way it's your call on both since you're the doc (and I guess you still rock) and I'm the guy wearing pink tutus like its cool the last few weeks.
dw
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