I struggle with the thought that I have done something to piss everyone off, that I annoy everyone, and that I am just a horrible person. I have been friends with a pretty cool and laid back person. Yet somehow, I did something to piss them off enough so that a phone call, a text, or a facebook message. I mean, I KNOW that I push people, and I push them away. So this really, and I mean really, got me feeling like shit. I was pretty convinced that I must have done something wrong to a person that really already had enough wrong done to them. I even got in touch with my doc to ask why I am such a horrible piece of shit. Of course, then I felt really bad about bugging her...but I really didn't want to talk to her or anyone...but I had to talk to someone.
In the course of 30 minutes of text messages...which she thought I started becuase I was drunk and I guess I sounded as sad as I felt...she identified four stuckpoints that I now get to do for homework. Of course when I reminded her that I don't go back for two weeks and that I could just procrastinate them, she said no to that too.
So here's where I am struggling:I KNOW I didn't do anything, except for one maybe one adjective I shouldn't have used on this blog (and had deleted weeks ago). However, I still FEEL like I did do something yet AGAIN to piss someone off. So where does this come from? Why do I always feel so fucking horrible and why do I question if anyone really likes me or trusts me or even wants to be around me. Hell, I even wonder most days what my wife even thinks about me half the time. This is all I am going to write today...I just feel like a horrible piece of shit, even if I didn't do anything. Coincidentally, this very blog where one adjective may have offended this guy, was also originally deleted becuase I stood up for him, as well as the fact that I had initially put way to many thoughts about my doc on here. Too funny...maybe...or just fucking stupid?????
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